Magnus Itland (itlandm) wrote,
Magnus Itland

I guess this happens to people, but I'd rather not people be me

I had taken a fairly long walk in the frosty air, came home and wrote a small entry about time and eternity that I had thought about while walking. Then I ate a little, and then my heart started beating strangely. Like randomly. It was very noticeable. There was no pain, just beating wrongly. It began beating very hard but still somewhat randomly. Then it sped up, probably because by now I was getting scared. I took off my shirt and put on my pulse measuring belt. By now I was thinking that if it was just speeding, I could live with that for a while, certainly long enough to get medical expertise to look at it. It was the uncontrollable randomness at the beginning that really creeped me out. But when the heart slowed down from its high, it returned to steady beats of normal strength.

There could be all kinds of reasons for this. Inverting my day rhythm (gradually over the course of November, though) so that I now am awake all night and sleep all day - it is now approaching my new bedtime. Long walk in cold - evidently the winter kills of a good number of old people, although I suspect shoveling snow is a big part of that. (There is no snow now - it went away before the current cold.) Eating and drinking quickly after exercise has set off speeding heart before, usually lasting far longer than this - but without the random hard knocks that started out this episode. And finally, I may not be allowed to write about time and eternity, so I deleted the entry. I thought it was a very good entry, truth to tell, but God or my subconscious may not think me worthy to writing about such themes. Since I can't offhand say which of them, I better be careful.

In any case, despite the bi-yearly assurance from my doctors that I have the heart of an athlete (without being one, but they don't say that) I still realize that sometimes athletes just keel over and die from hearth arrythmia, just like anybody else. If there is any surefire way to prevent it, I don't know of it. Omega-3 is rumored to reduce the risk, but then Omega-3 is rumored to do pretty much anything less than raising the dead. It is the panachea of the year, or last year or the year before that. Recently at least. I think it is vitamin D this year, actually. But there is that too in the same capsules, one of which I had taken shortly before the event.

Anyway, if I suddenly drop dead, please don't summon my ghost. Also I'd like my headstone to simply have my name, dates of birth and death, and the text
but somehow I doubt my relatives will buy me such a stone. And I won't be around to scold them, so they can safely ignore my wish.

(Actually my walk today, unlike most of them, took me to the local church where I stood for a while looking at the headstones and taking in the atmosphere. But the voice in my head said: "Why are you seeking the Living among the dead?" and after it had said this a few times, I moved on. I doubt that has any influence on my physical heart though.)
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