Magnus Itland (itlandm) wrote,
Magnus Itland

It is painful to be this stupid

Oh, I'm still enviably intelligent for a middle-aged white man. Unfortunately, that is not such an awesome starting point. In the past, I did not reflect on this because I compared myself to my classmates and friends and coworkers, who tended more toward the average (though some of them also worked much harder). Now, I'm bruising my ego with almost every step I take. Take the whole otaku thing (and I mean that in its nice, American meaning, OK?). I have heard Japanese spoken in a natural context, with subtitled translations, weekly and usually more than that for several years. I still don't understand it. Oh, I've picked up a bunch of short phrases the way any otaku does. My subconscious also clearly understands more than I do. But seriously, a baby has learned to speak the language pretty much fluently in the time I've spent. And on the same note: Their writing. I can learn a sign one day, but it is gone the next. And if I learn it again, it disappears again. It is as if the alphabet police erases the foreign writing from my brain while I sleep or something.

I can still learn, but it seems to only be effective with things I already have a certain mass of insight about. But learning things from scratch, whether it is about hobby or work, is hard. I am led to believe that this is a property of the aging brain, it starts to learn in a different manner. It should not surprise me, but it hurts. Also, knowing that there won't be a cure for it in my lifetime. We who were born as mere humans will die that way, at least as far as our body and psyche are concerned. This wasn't how I had envision this day and age.
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