January 5th, 2003


Suddenly ill

I fell asleep in front of the computer a bit after 3 (sadly not unusual). Then I woke up, and got up. I felt quasy, and as I knelt in front of the toilet I started to get weaker. My vision blurred in a fog. Soon I fainted again and again on the floor. I eventually staggered out and pressed the neighbors doorbell, then collapsed in the snow. Nobody answered (perhaps they are away, perhaps just because it is 4 in the night). The cold helped me for a while, but now I may be dying. Not sure from what, but I suspect my stomach. I had vague stomach pain all day long. Thought it was not serious. While I write this, it has started to burn, much like it did once before when I fainted too.

I am sorry if I have to die. Life has been precious to me. At least if I die, it is without enemies (that I know of). I am praying to God that He will resurrect me, when all else fails. I guess if I die, I shall find out whether my belief in Jesus Christ as Lord was justified. Well, there is always the chance that I shall learn nothing more, but just cease to exist. That would be the second best alternative, I guess.

Just in case this is the big end, I want to say a big thank you to all my friends. Actually, a big thank you anyway. If I survive, you'll hear from me again.


As I write this, I am obviously still alive. I guess I wouldn't have been, if my stomach or esophagus had actually ruptured from the gnawing acid inside. The way I was losing pressure fast in the beginning, it seemed a likely scenario. Now, I just don't know what is happenening. I don't even know whether I have a fever or the other way around: I found my thermometer, but it had been broken during my last trip

Last time I collapsed (a bit over a year ago) was also during a weekend, and the emergency phone people were quite unhelpful. As well they could be, since this is the time when Norwegians drink till they black out. Their symptoms are not very different from mine, except that I haven't touched alcohol. This is kinda hard to see over the phone. I don't know whether I should try calling emergency. Since I'm still alive after an hour and a half, I guess it's not emergency. On the other hand, if I had been dead, I could not have called either. In fact, until just before I wrote my last post, I was unable to read or even see the room. So if it happens again, I won't be able to call. Ah, the price of living alone. We all reap what we sow, to some extent, don't we?

My stomach still hurts, but no more than it has done the past day. I am still scared, but that is the human condition. We all have to die, and most of us don't like it. If I live till I am 100, I will probably still plead for more time. I am sure to some of you, I am already quite old. Certainly in the past this was near a normal lifetime. Yet, for the record, if I die, I do so under protest.

I guess I should seek rest soon. My body may profit from it, though my heart is not in it this morning. I wish I knew what happened to me, so I could take some measure to avoid it. But I don't know. I was definitely losing blood pressure there for a while. I will endevor to update again at some time during the next day if I am still here. (Taking "Live"journal literally.)

Having creeped you out this far, I guess I owe you this at least!

Still here! Yay!

Slept for like 7 hours or so. This can be nothing but a good thing, even if it happens at some other time than the middle of the night.

I am still a bit shocked, I admit. Over the last four years, I have twice had my heart extensively tested, and the conclusion was generally that I had a better heart than the people who tested it, somewhere just below the level of active athletes (which I certainly am not ... I just happen to move about a lot during an ordinary day). Heart problems is the main cause of worry when people just lose pressure the way I did. The second cause on the check list is stress, which is not exactly on my agenda either. I go out of my way to avoid stress.

On a related note, I probably will never agan use Dark Dog as an evening meal, now that I think about it...
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