July 25th, 2002

Porcupine

Undecided, undeciding

I'm waiting. Well, not just waiting, but that too. My best friendess and I kinda made an appointment to eat lunch together today (she came to this part of the country tonight). I haven't seen her since Christmas, I think. I notice that the longer that I have no contact with her, the easier it is to disconnect myself from the world, bit by tiny bit. She was my last Best Friend and it's the first time as an adult at least that I have no Best Friend. I want to disassemble myself bit by bit till there is nothing left - till the very illusion of ego dissolves. (That would obviously take some time, with an ego like this.) Best Friends kinda reverse that process, which is why I'm not sure what I hope for - that she forgets the whole thing, or not. Roleplaying a human is really addictive, too.
  • Current Mood
    confused confused
Porcupine

Well, no.

She didn't call or anything. Either I got the wrong week or something (hey, it could happen) or she just didn't call anyway. That kinda resolves that dilemma, you could say. It is always better when my friends distance themselves from me than the other way around, because no feelings get hurt.