February 1st, 2002


Mental blow

I got quite a shock when I read my online friend shmitz yesterday and found out that he actually misses his girlfriend when they are not together. I mean, I know humans do that, but he's a Christian too ... I have vaguely supposed that it is my religion that caused me to not miss anyone. But now that I think about it, perhaps that was never so. I did not really know how religion worked when I was a kid, but I don't think I missed people then either.

I have this best friend who I see a few times a year and who I love approximately like myself - I know this because when I buy stuff it makes little emotional difference whether I buy for myself or for her, or perhaps I slightly prefer to buy for her - and when it's near the time when I get to see her again I really look forward to it. But it is like looking forward to a favorite dessert, not like being hungry, if you see what I mean.

And since at least "Shmitz" is a Christian, I'm certain they don't have sex either so it's not that ... anyway my body has a sex drive too, especially when I was younger, it would suddenly rise up at the wrong time and place and be very inconvenient. But it was just a biological thing - I did not miss anyone specific even then.

If it's not my religion then what is it? Am I even human at all? I sure have a human body (the porcupine thing is just a metaphor, people). Why don't I have a human soul, when even Christians have one?
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