"Minä olen unohtanut miltä tuntuu rakastaa."
From the Finnish song I wrote about earlier, Baikonur by CMX. Admittedly it is the only line in the song I really comprehend, and even then just barely, since it is in Finnish and Finnish is a completely different type of language, less related to ours than Sanskrit and ancient Greek. On the plus side, the Finns live right across Sweden from us so it's not like we never meet them.

Anyway, it says: "I have forgotten how it feels to love." And yeah, I have pretty much forgotten that, from not thinking about it for a long time. I would probably not have thought about it now either if not that guy had been singing about forgetting about it.


Especially I have forgotten why it was supposed to be so important. I mean, it was like it could save your soul or something. But let us say that your soul is fully corrupted or destroyed if you are an unmitigated egotist who have no love for anyone. Now then, if you love one other person pretty much exactly like yoursefl, unconditionally, without expecting anything in return (because you know from experience that you won't get anything in return) then you're just 50% egotist, woot. But just how often does that happen? Usually people expect quite a bit in return. People who are in love are about as unselfish as if they were buying crack. When they think about their love, the dopamine receptors flare up like they were on a literal cocaine high or playing City of Heroes or some such. They most decidely want something in return, and lots of it. Even babies are thoughtfully given the superpower to reward their parents, especially their mother. If you let a new mother rat choose between a substantial reward like food or an extra baby rat to adopt, she will go for the baby rat until the floor of her cage is literally covered with pink squirming baby rats. Humans are, as usual, more in control of their feelings, but all by degrees. The only case of utterly selfless love I can think of in everyday life must be a parent of a teenager. And we know how hard that is. OK, you probably don't know if you are a teenager, but it will be revealed by time.